Click here to create a strong password
Your password must contain at least two characters
who are clinically obsessed with Legally Blonde
and can prattle on about its remarkable impact
on the fringe of girlhood intertwined with
cultural memory; even who would talk about anything
but guys, in a single breath, for a minute straight.
No gossip, no “he said, then I said,”
no late-night texts with emotional ellipses.
At times, just two fully-formed people (letters, maybe)
who discuss the economy of bees, or Nietzsche,
or the last movie they cried at but under no circumstances
can they say the names John, Severus, or Anakin. How tragic!
Your password must contain one capital letter
like a teacher you thought was cool until
you stumbled across their Facebook account.
Your password must contain at least one number
but not the one you like, nothing sentimental,
no birthdays, anniversaries, or the time you first kissed
someone, with equal parts tongue and intent.
Your password must contain a special character.
But not too special. Not the pick-me archetype—
cradled in the palm of male validation, nor the usual
“you were the only one who ever understood me” variant.
More like a “shift + 7” special. The kind of special
you forget how to type in front of someone important.
Your password must not contain words found in the dictionary
or in your journals, or in that sonnet you wrote drunk
and accidentally posted. No words your therapist has underlined.
None from the catchphrase of your favourite lead character.
It must be twelve to infinity characters long, must be changed
every time you finally memorize it, must be different
from the last twelve passwords you already hated.
It must not resemble a real, unabridged thought.
Fragments, maybe? It must be a spell you cast
only to enter the sacred kingdom of your bank account,
where you are reminded that you are very much
neither well-heeled, nor a wizard.
Your password must contain a lowercase scream,
a panic space, a middle school locker combination,
a zodiac sign that most definitely makes you giggle
for how closely it resembles a sex position,
and the exact moment you stopped trusting
websites with cringy, cartoon mascots.
Your password must be a government promise
you’ll forget as soon as you press Enter.
In case that happens, do not hesitate
to click on the “Forgot Password?” button.
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Stink Eye Magazine 